In 2006 I traveled to Arizona alone to visit family. This was written back then.
On Saturday I conquered my
first fear of my vacation. I was a bit worried that I would fly out to Arizona
and then sit around waiting for someone to plan something or someone to do
activities with. For about an hour I puttered on that line, before deciding I’d
just go for a drive. To know my area, I’d drive out to the place I wanted to go
on the trail ride. A few minutes later on mapquest, I discovered how close I
was to the ranch, the plan was set, and off I went.
As I headed off in my boat of a rental car over the dry river, a level of calm came over me. I was out on an adventure, driving to who knows where all by myself. A few turns later I discovered I was in Saguaro National Park. I pulled over at a picnic area to change from my tevas to boots. It was rattlesnake season after all. While there I bumped into a pair of rangers, the younger of the two walked me to his truck, gave me a map and suggestions on where to walk. I had no idea I could pull over anywhere, just get out and walk.
I drove back to the edge of the park where I entered, pulled over and started walking. Once I was away from the road, the fear hit me. The rational logical voice started in saying “Johanna, you are a 5’3” female, you are in a strange area, you can handle city, but no one will hear you scream out here” I paused, listened, and kept walking. The voice continued, and I pondered it moving slower, wondering should I turn around now, if something happened it would be days before the connection was made as to who disappeared. I kept going having decided I would not miss out on this opportunity just because of a fear of a minute chance that I’d get killed in the middle of no where. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was scared, and the next 20 feet I could feel every hair on my body, would life call me on my decision, was danger right around the next rock face. The ground turned to sandy gravel, not a terrain I could run quickly in and then it passed. I had accepted my risks and preferred the rewards. The weight of the fear removed, I walked on.
Eventually I found a patch of shade, sat down, took out a journal and wrote. I listened to the birds, the movement of bugs and small animals I could not see. I watched the surroundings. I breathed. I was for a moment without fear.
As I headed off in my boat of a rental car over the dry river, a level of calm came over me. I was out on an adventure, driving to who knows where all by myself. A few turns later I discovered I was in Saguaro National Park. I pulled over at a picnic area to change from my tevas to boots. It was rattlesnake season after all. While there I bumped into a pair of rangers, the younger of the two walked me to his truck, gave me a map and suggestions on where to walk. I had no idea I could pull over anywhere, just get out and walk.
I drove back to the edge of the park where I entered, pulled over and started walking. Once I was away from the road, the fear hit me. The rational logical voice started in saying “Johanna, you are a 5’3” female, you are in a strange area, you can handle city, but no one will hear you scream out here” I paused, listened, and kept walking. The voice continued, and I pondered it moving slower, wondering should I turn around now, if something happened it would be days before the connection was made as to who disappeared. I kept going having decided I would not miss out on this opportunity just because of a fear of a minute chance that I’d get killed in the middle of no where. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I was scared, and the next 20 feet I could feel every hair on my body, would life call me on my decision, was danger right around the next rock face. The ground turned to sandy gravel, not a terrain I could run quickly in and then it passed. I had accepted my risks and preferred the rewards. The weight of the fear removed, I walked on.
Eventually I found a patch of shade, sat down, took out a journal and wrote. I listened to the birds, the movement of bugs and small animals I could not see. I watched the surroundings. I breathed. I was for a moment without fear.
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