TLDR: I completed the series and while i thought it wouldn't bother me, showing up to be DFL at all the races(and I was for 3 of them) was tougher than I thought and got the best of me on the last race, I did finish though. Everyone I encountered at the races, from the runners to the volunteers to the organizers were encouraging and supportive. I felt welcome and was treated as I belonged on that start line. In the end I don't think I'd do this again solo but if the team needed a 5th female to be a team, I'll be there.
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| Jumping for joy that the series was over. |
This year I stepped way outside my comfort zone and ran the Cross Country series. I was debating what to run for my fall races. Since making the decision to coach Track and Field in the spring, which meant I spent a lot of time with a whistle watching other run and not a lot of time running myself. After the season was over I honestly didn't do much running the rest of the summer before I started in on coaching little kids running cross country. All the endurance I had built up last year was gone. In the end it came down to training, I wasn't ready to run the New England Half marathon and didn't see myself getting to that level in 2 months, but I knew I could run cross country. I just wish I had found the internal push to train on the level I should have to improve at each race, rather than feel like I was treading water. 2022 running season would be summed up in my excuses were stronger than my desire to succeed.
Cross country is intimidating, Anyone looking at the finish times of the last 10 runners can see, my 11-12+ min pace didn't belong in that field. I was assured many times that I did and the finish line would be there when I finished. I will say, that those organizing the races were right, The finish line was up, there were people cheering me on and only one race I had course confusion because a volunteer was talking with someone and didn't hear me ask if I was supposed to turn. Any of my negative comments in regards to my performance are from me, no one at any of the races said anything. Runners would run by on their warm up today and tell me "Good job" as I puttered along. I was surprised at the number of runners that would run the course to warm up, while a race was actively taking place.
There is something in the headspace to showing up to a race and knowing without a doubt you will be last. Not maybe, not it'll be close, but absolutely last and last minutes after the previous runner. I'll admit it got me and I wanted to skip Attleboro, especially when I knew it was only me, no one else from the team. I was last in 3 of the 5 races. The other two I was second to last. In hindsight it doesn't bother me, I'm proud of my accomplishments, but it was hard to start.
Race 1 - Great Brook Farm XC race in Carlisle MA
They had a youth race so my son was able to run as well. He ran 7 min miles on those trails. Several of my teammates were there cheer and to run. I really got to see the atmosphere of cross country with the team tents. A volunteer was kind enough to wait for me at each turn and run to the next so I wouldn't get lost. This was the last time anyone said to me, don't worry I'm slow too. Cross country slow and general 5k runner slow are on two entirely different scales. Overall a nice race. I might run this again, just so my son can run the youth race. This was also when I was reminded, cross country races are no frills, no water stops and no snack tables.
Race 2 - Brown Bear Invitational in Attleboro MA
This was the race I wanted to skip. I knew I would be the only Gate City Strider. It was too far for my co-competition coordinator to show up. I knew I'd be last and it was a 6k, which isn't that much longer but it does mean my time will be slower. The family joined me and my son helped me warm up, excited that I was going to run a course he ran last year. The start was huge, so many college teams, seriously the intimidation factor was high. It didn't help that I got confused at the number of loops and ended up thinking I was close to done before I was close to done. Plus because of loops, I was being passed. Several, quite a bit more than previous race by the fast runners, many said good job and flew by, I tried to be aware of where I was and stay in that lane so I didn't get in their way. Being slow also meant I got to see the finish. The weather was rough, the grass was wet, and I was not in the right sneakers. This course condition needed spikes or trail shoes and I was in well worn brooks ghost road sneakers. I did get to wear my arm sleeves for the first time in a race environment, which I needed and my outfit was on point and perfect.
The best part of this race was heading down to Providence to meet my best friend at Pizza Js for food and pinball.
Race 3 - Wayland Cross Country
This race also had a youth race. My son ran with one of his teammates. It was a slow and difficult race and he had just run his elementary school race the day before. He still did well, but not as well as he wanted to. As for me, that hill was brutal, but it was also my friend. This was the first race I wasn't DFL. I noticed at the start a woman who wasn't dressed in team gear and I suspected that she was my competition, if there was really any competition when you run in the back. I was determined to keep her heels in my sights. I did succeed is being able to see her over all the grassy fields, which I have decided is my least favorite running surface. Then we headed in the woods and hit that hill. That was where my years of mountain running shined. I was already at max plus heart rate, I could not run that hill, so I switched to power walking and marched right past her. I power walked until I had my heart rate in order and I cheered her on. She responded that she had never run a trail race before. Huge, huge kudos for tackling not just a trail race but a cross country one as her first. I have no doubt in a road race I would have struggled to keep her in my sights.
Race 4 - New England Cross Country Championships - Franklin Park, MA
It was 74 degrees in Boston that day as I got started. It was muggy and it was November. The heat did me in. I could not get my heart rate under control. I could have really used a water stop, but cross country doesn't have them. The course itself was pretty, interesting, well marked, and aside from the volunteer that didn't hear me ask if I turn, easy to navigate. The hill that goes around the no-longer in use bear cage was a decent hill but not like a set of stairs. I had several team mates there as well, plus my family. After the race we headed into Boston to explore Chinatown and the Commons. While the weather was rough for racing it was perfect for exploring Boston. Oddly I was not last, which was super confusing, but I saw many people cheering on the last runner. This race also completed the number of races I needed for the series swag.
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| Results of the 6k. My time is highlighted to show difference in finish times. |
Race 5 - Rachel's Run - Tyngsboro, MA
I just finished this race hours ago so it's very fresh. I had been warned it was a rough course, and that friend was absolutely right. Being a double loop it was night to know what to expect on the second loop, but that also meant I knew what I was going to have to do. I did not like that hill. Had I just been hiking, it would have been fine, running a mountain race, expected, but on this course, wow, it was hard both times I power walked over it. I was last, I was very last, but everyone was encouraging even the warm up runners as they flew by. I will say this race more than any other just did a number on my headspace. I walked 5 hours in the dark solo over night last year at Ghost train and my headspace was calm and loving. 38 mins of this course was hard. I went through all the emotions about do I belong, should I finish, will I get passed by the finishers before I finish the first loop(I wasn't, barely). Lots of feelings of being an embarrassment to my team(of which I was the only runner in the women's race) and maybe I need to accept I'm just not good at this running thing and I should just hang up my singlet. It was bad and it was all internal, because everyone and I mean everyone was amazing and supportive. From the volunteers to the organizers, the random runners and the Liberty Track Team, who were always friendly at the races and helped make me feel like I belonged. My teammates running other races cheered me on via Strava or in person when they saw me. I want to stress this was all internal and not accurate to what was going on around me. Sports can be like that, and honestly this headspace isn't like me. I was a goalie, I was a decent goalie, because I could shake off a goals, goals will happen, but you can't be so focused on the one that got past that you miss the next two.
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| Photo by volunteer at Rachel's Run |
In the end, while I enjoyed the challenge that the series gave me, it was more than just running, the mental game was far harder than any I have experienced before. Mile 19-22 of marathons are easier. I don't know if I'll run the series again. I'd do it with a team without hesitation, but to show up solo, I'm not sure I can do that again. In December I start training for the Cheap Marathon, switching back to distance and completing the marathon right before I start directing the Track and Field program, which wraps up in July. As for the fall, my son's cross country races take priority, and I will again volunteer to help out the U8 boys in the fall.
